Tears are something which I have always struggled with. Ever since I was a little kitten, not being weak was highly ingrained in me. You weren't allowed to cry. You weren't allowed to show any kind of weakness, and if you did, you were ridiculed for it. I'm not talking about the other kids at school or anything like that. I'm talking about within my family. My mother would screw up her face and say:
"Ooh, look at the little baby cry!"
It didn't matter if I'd just broken a bone, or been publicly humiliated for whatever reason. It didn't matter if I was scared, or attacked, or any number of things which make a "normal" person cry. What mattered was that I was showing that I was weak. Weakness was some kind of disease that had to be cured. I bottled up quite a bit, and then when I got older I would only cry alone. I wouldn't let anyone else see me being like that. It also took quite a bit to make me cry, and when it did happen, I was relatively inconsolable. I guess I never really learned how to "sob", and when I finally got around to crying it was full on bawling. We're talking snot-inducing, body shaking, loud wailing kind of tears.
Because of this, it has taken quite a long time to be able to be okay with crying during a scene, especially in front of Master. I didn't want to show him this weakness. I wanted to show him that I could handle anything that he could throw at me (and I am not just talking about impact play here). I couldn't cry, and when I did I would feel ashamed and try to bury my head in a pillow or even hide under blankets. It took me a while to realize that those tears were OK. Those tears were part of a different type of release for me, and there was no shame in showing them.
Tears can mean more than grief. They can be a show of gratitude, strength, and lust or love. Now, I don't want to give you the wrong impression. I don't want anyone thinking that the only time I cry is when I am being hit with something. (Most times impact play will NOT make me cry, in fact). I have often cried during g-spot stimulation, or when sexual stimulation gets too intense for my body to handle. It isn't always associated with pain, though I know that is what most people assume.
To this day, if something happens to me which is emotionally sad, something devastating enough to make me cry (a death, super bad news, etc) I still cannot find the strength within myself to let someone else see me cry. I'll often run away, or lock myself in another room until I can get ahold of myself.
I've also noticed that during scenes, my tears never get to the bawling stage. They are usually mere sobs which I can get a handle on pretty quickly. They are nothing like being wracked with an emotional sadness which is both draining and hurtful.
But when scening, I've learned that tears can not only be so cleansing, but they can also be arousing. Not just to myself, but to that person who caused the tears. Seeing them on my face, knowing it was their touch, knowing that at least in that moment, they own me and my tears completely. So erotic. And you know what? That's okay.
<3
Written by redvinylkitty
on January 31, 2011 at 11:10 am
Had you for a minute there, didn't I? The amazing adult toys store MyPleasure recently sent me these Nipple Suckers to try, and I am one happy girl! The suckers are made by Cal Exotics, and are considered their advanced nipple suckers. Master and me have their first version still (which are a plain black tube, but which were considerably less powerful). We got a lot of use out of the old ones in the beginning, but they were hard for me to use on my own. Enter: Advanced Nipple Suckers.
A happy kitty using her new Nipple Suckers from MyPleasure.com
The Advanced Nipple suckers are pretty simple in design. They are a hot pink, a much deeper and yet brighter shade than you'll see in my pics (due to my camera, unfortunately!), think neon pink. That shade. The material they are made out of is a stiff rubber, which has enough give in it to still be able to squish flat.
How to use:
Squeeze the bulb end of the nipple suckers to your desired amount.
Place the open end of the nipple sucker over your nipple.
Release.
The suckers get the air pushed out of them when they are squished flat, and then when you let go of them on your skin they create a vacuum that pulls up on your nipples, clit, or whatever you decide to put them on. This works marvelously, and feels great. Not only that, but it makes your nipples temporarily more erect and sensitive. Here is a before and after shot of my nipples in one session in which we used these:
Before we used the nipple suckers. *
Immediately after we took one of the suckers off. *
As you can see from the pictures, they definitely do their job to engorge the nipples. When I take them off, my nipples are definitely larger and more turned on (although, you probably won't be able to tell from the pictures that I'm more turned on). The harder you squeeze the bulb, the stronger the suction will be. The suction will also be much stronger if you get the opening wet before you apply them. You can accomplish this by licking the opening of the nipple suckers before you press them on skin, or by using a tiny bit of lube, if you prefer.
Showing the suction power with them on. *
To give you an idea of how strong the suction is, my D cup breasts can be lifted a bit by the bulb only for about a minute before the seals will let go. These are pretty strong!
Since they are made from rubber they are slightly porous, so if you have any open wounds, etc, and you're not fluid bonded with your partner, don't share these. You can clean them by using warm soapy water and allowing them to air dry. Any type of lube you would like is compatible with these suckers. These do not have a taste, but they do have a slight rubbery scent.
Slight warning: if you have pierced nipples, there is a very good chance your nipples will not fit in these. The opening of the bulb is only 1", so please measure before buying to be sure that your nipples will fit!
These are really, really fun, and I can give them no less than 5 happy paws:
Thank you so much, My Pleasure, for allowing me to try these out in exchange for an honest and fair review.
*Thank you for following my asterisk down here! I just wanted to let you know that the bruises and scabs which are peeling in the photos are from consensual BDSM play. I am a very happy kitty, and no one has been really harmed to make this review. Mew!
Written by redvinylkitty
on January 29, 2011 at 5:56 pm
Well, MY orgasm evolution, anyway. I was not going to post this, but about two weeks ago I was trying to describe to Master how my orgasms are changing over time, and he told me he thought I should write a blog post about it. Here it is!
It seems that, lately, the sorts of things which bring me to orgasm as well as the way in which my body responds to orgasm is changing. I still remember the first time I "discovered" my vagina for the first time. To be honest, I never really paid a whole lot of attention to it until I was about ten or twelve. I remember feeling down there one night and noticing it was wet, and after a little bit of "exploring" all I remember thinking was:
"Holy shit, what was that, let's do that again WTFBBQ?!"
My first orgasms were very simple. I never used to put anything inside my cunt. The only thing I did was rub my clit. No toys at all, including vibrators, until I turned about fourteen or fifteen. Orgasms definitely felt good then. They were very "local" orgasms which seemed to stay in my clitoris. I would masturbate sometimes up to fifteen times per day, because it just felt so good. Though admittedly the more orgasms I had the longer they would take to achieve.
My orgasms didn't change a whole lot when I got my first boyfriend. He would put his penis inside of me, but I didn't really get a lot of pleasure out of the act of penetration. I enjoyed having my uterus pounded, but nothing else really felt "special" about penetration. The orgasms were, again, pretty local in themselves even though I was very turned on. He also was the first person to pinch my nipples, and I honestly was reeling for days from that. I had no idea whether to ask him to do it again! It felt good but I was ashamed to admit it. I think this was my first experience with pain play. Mild though it was.
Nothing substantial happened after that until I dated my first serious girlfriend. I remember being very jealous of her, because she came in a completely different way that me. She would never rub her clitoris and instead she was able to cum entirely from penetration. I wanted really badly to know what that kind of orgasm felt like. She also had something called a "g-spot" which I didn't understand, but I knew she liked it when I pounded it with toys. The first time I ever experienced g-spot play was with her, and I remember being completely shocked by it. She would finger me, and I remember thinking:
"OMG! What the fuck is this?! This is AWESOME."
But having no way to convey that to her, because I was very quiet and shy in the bedroom at that point. I also did not know what she was doing to me was playing with my g-spot until much later. I didn't know how to describe it, but the feel of her fingers against my g-spot felt completely rapturous in a way in which clitoral play was not. Yet, I could not orgasm from it alone, and still needed my clitoris played with. Aside from my g-spot and having my cervix pounded, penetration itself still did not feel particularly wonderful or great at this point. I still needed my clit played with at least a little bit to get off.
Side Note: My first serious girlfriend was also the first experience I've ever had with squirting. I felt like a freak for doing it then too. I was talking with Master about it last night, and we think we figured out the reason why I feel this way. It's actually not that complex, and there's nothing anyone can say to me most likely to make me feel better about it. Basically, while I know there are lots of women out there who can squirt, I've never played with any. I think it all boils down to being in the bedroom and having my body feel like it is vastly different to other girls I've played or am playing with. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, which is not something I want. Not in the bedroom, anyway.
Things changed a bit later, when I met Master. He was big on fingering, so I got a lot of it. One night when I went to visit him, he had a present for me. I was totally shocked but it was a book about how to find your g-spot, and a small g-spot toy, with a curve on the end. I was in for it for sure! We spent all night experimenting with my g-spot, and I had a lot of fun. This was the first time that we really heavily incorporated g-spot play into our sessions. Master would play with my g-spot a lot, and I would get really wet and horny, turned on, etc but you could do it for hours and I wouldn't cum from it.
Things stayed the same for me as far as my orgasms went until the past year. It all started just before Valentine's Day when Master got me my first Hitachi. At that point, we didn't have the Hitachi controller, so I had to just do my best using it on the "LO" setting. It took me a long time to learn how to use it, but the orgasms I got from it were INTENSE. When I say intense, I mean that they were entirely different from any orgasm I've ever received prior. What would happen to me is that my whole vagina felt like it was "lit up", my whole body would jerk in very violent ways (compared with any other type of orgasm I've ever received). Also, my orgasms would last about ten times longer than normal, and the only reason I would have to stop them is that they would get too intense to handle anymore.
About a month after that happened, I started reviewing sex toys. I started getting dildos, which were something I was never really interested in previously. The more I used them though, the more something else started to happen to me: my cunt began to get excited in different ways. It is hard to describe, but the inside of my cunt felt the same way that my clitoris feels when I rub it. It was an amazing feeling, and I use vibrators a lot less now.
About a month and a half ago, I noticed a very drastic change with the way my Hitachi orgasms feel. I now have the Hitachi controller, so I can change the amount of power at any given moment without all the way too strong vibrations. It's very hard to explain but I've noticed now that when I'm about to cum, I feel a warm sensation reaching down my legs and back up again. At the same time, my lower abs contract hard and I get those same very violent convulsions I mentioned earlier.
It's so strange to me, how a few toys change the way I can orgasm. I've still not had a g-spot orgasm (but I'm getting close!) nor have I had an anal orgasm (but it still feels amazing and enhances my vaginal orgasms.) That's how they've changed over time so far, I wonder if they will change even further later.
Sweet juicy pain.
Written by redvinylkitty
on January 27, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.
Did you miss Pleasurists #113? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #115? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form and submit it before Sunday January 30th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
@BOYxPrincess Oh, he likes anime a lot, but I'm not really a fan. I like Pokemon (nostalgia reasons), and Chobits, but that's really it. 52 minutes ago
