I went to a slumber party last week, and I did a lot of fun things: nail painting, ice cream eating, cartoon watching, hair styling, snuggles, coloring, etc etc etc. Before the party, Master and me had to pack a couple of things. I was dashing around the house to pick this up and that up, and bring them into the bedroom and once I thought I had everything, Master asked me in his most “Daddy-ish” voice:
“Does kitty want her blankie?”
“Yes Master.” I said, feeling very little suddenly.
“And, you need your dragon!” He tells me, again, his voice dripping with Daddy-ish-ness. (I use my dragon as a pillow).
Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed with “Little”, and I said:
“Master, kitty can bring Wormie?” (Wormie is my glo-worm I really named her Rosie, but sometimes I call her Wormie as a nickname).
Master scooped up Wormie and put her in the suitcase. (We were just staying overnight, but I brought coloring books and plushies and mochi, and lotsa stuff).
It started. I was already pretty quickly in a little head space, and I knew that we weren’t going to the sleepover for that type of play. Ugh. Being in a little space and needing to snap out of it quick is difficult for me. Little Faete doesn’t come out very often regardless, but when she does, it’s not easy to just throw that into the back of my brain and move on.
The worst part is that when we arrived I changed into my feetie pajamas. Feetie pajamas (for me) are the epitome of being little. (Master and me don’t play with diapers, though for many others, I suppose that would be their “epitome” of little). They change my voice immediately, and make me want to crawl around and color. Heh. I did get to color, but I had to hold back on my crawling around.
I am forever conflicted with my inner little, because, even when we are going somewhere specifically for the purpose of play, and even when that play is centered around age play (which is rare, because as I said, age play is not something we do often at all) I always feel a bit tortured. I feel like I have to hold back my little, because when I am little, I am an all-out child. I don’t really do the whole “temper tantrum” thing, but I can’t follow an adult conversation to save my life, and I often feel like I go a lot deeper into my little head space than a lot of people around me. Maybe they are holding themselves back too?
Part of the problem is that, a lot of people see age play as being evil. I don’t really care what others think of our age play in our day to day lives, but when you’re around other people I think it is important to gauge the situation and figure out what is OK and what is not. I have a really hard time “gauging” anything when I am in little space. It’s just not something I can do.
I also don’t really flip from age play head space to my usual head space easily or quickly. It usually takes some time to get me in that sort of space (though, sometimes Master just says things the perfectest way and I’m buttah in seconds), and it’s hard to get out. I felt like all night I was bouncing around between little, and Faete, and I hated that feeling.
My “little” is very amicable. A lot of littles don’t like other littles around, because they want all the attention. I like sharing attention, and sharing toys and coloring book pages. I like playing with other littles, but it isn’t fair to bring that into a non-kink situation without the consent of the person or people involved.
I didn’t expect my little to come out, and I definitely forgot that my feetie pajamas would help keep me in that small head space. Lesson learned, I think: next time, I’ll just have to wear some different jammies. Not that I can control Master’s Daddy voice, but the more “props” you take out of the situation, the easier it is to let go of the little. For me anyway.