General

Dental Checkup

Well, I'm home now, and my stitches are OUT!  Hooray!  They weren't so comfortable anyway, so I am glad to see them GONE. :)   The dentist says he could not be happier with my healing progress, that my gums look great, and to keep doing what I'm doing.

I was a bit nervous, but my dentist makes it really easy to bring up any issues I'm having - so I did.  I told him I wanted to talk about what happened last Friday, and that I was pretty uncomfortable with the fact that he had no warned me about the fact that he was going to use Novocaine on me.  He apologised and told me that he admitted he should have warned me and he felt bad about that.  He also said that he was trying to keep me as calm as possible so that my heart rate would not increase.  HERE is the problem.  He, like most dentists I have seen in the past, does not understand that what is happening to me in the chair is NOT an anxiety attack.  It is a symptom of my P.O.T.S.  This is something I have had to deal with since I was a child, but did not find out exactly what it was until about 5 years ago.  While I am MUCH better than I used to be, I still have the occasional problem with getting up from standing and medications will absolutely affect this condition.  It isn't something that bothers me day to day, but doctors who are working with me need to know about it.  Especially dentists.  I think the dentist may still believe I am having panic attacks, but he promised me that he would tell me in future before he used Novocaine again, but that he didn't foresee me needing anything as complex as teeth being removed, and he probably wouldn't need it.  This way I have the ability to say no, and walk away.  Something I didn't have the opportunity to do last time.  Once it is in your system, it's in your system.

So, I'm going to stick with this dentist for at least a bit more.  I'm going to keep both eyes on any needle he injects me with though to make SURE he is not giving me Novocaine.  I'll ask him what is in his hand, I will have to be much more proactive in order to make sure he doesn't cross a line.  But truly, up until now he has been a fabulous dentist.  He has even given me his cell phone number and encourages me to call him if anything is wrong.  He is very interested in his patients healing times, he genuinely cares about his patients and their teeth.  Hell, he even calls after any procedure he does.  I've had cavities filled from him before and he will always call that night to check up on me.  Those qualities are something I have never seen in a dentist and I am willing to give him one more chance.  Should he ever do this to me again, rest assured I will NEVER go back, and I will not even try to work things out with him.

Master gave me a huge compliment last night.  He told me that one of the things which he admires about me is that I almost never make rash decisions.  I sleep on my choices for a night or two and try to do the best thing.  I could have walked right out of that dentist office on Friday - and while I knew that he DID use the Novocaine on me on purpose, I also knew that he did not have malicious intents.

Now, I just need to be able to eat solid foods and everything will be perfect.  <3

Lies, Trust, and Loss of Faith.

::::Warning:  I'm going to be talking about my visit to the dentist, and it may become graphic.  It WILL include talk about dental procedures, so if the dentist freaks you out, you probably would rather not read this::::

In order for you to really understand what happened yesterday in the dentist's chair - you're going to first need to have a bit of a background story.  As long as I have been alive, I have never had a dentist who was kind.  They were all mean, inconsiderate, or otherwise just seemed to be in it for the money.  Also as long as I've lived, I've had problems with my teeth.  I am one of those people who brushes like clockwork (Master will tell you), flosses regularly, uses mouth wash, and no matter what I always will have at least one cavity when I go to the dentist.  This means that I will never have much time between dental visits.  I want to have a good, healthy mouth, and my teeth are very important to me, so I make it a habit to go to the dentist twice a year. 

I started having problems with sensitive teeth about when I turned 19, which is also when I lost my dental insurance for the first time.  I had no idea what was wrong with my teeth but I was in tremendous amounts of pain every time I tried to eat or drink.  I saw a dentist who told me to use sensodyne.  After that, I could not see a dentist for another 3 years, when I finally got dental insurance again.  I went to this new dentist, (who was a budget dentist), and that is where I had my first real dental issues.  She told me I had several cavities which needed filling, but that they only do one at a time.  She patronized me and spent the whole time telling me that if only I brushed my teeth this wouldn't happen.  Since I brush religiously, I was really annoyed and didn't like how she was treating me.  I decided not to go back.  It took me a couple months to work up the courage to go see another dentist.

The next dentist was also rude, but it was tolerable and at least she wasn't condescending.  I knew that I had cavities to fill, at that point - so I let her fill the first two.  It went fine, and I had no issues.  I went back the following week to have a couple more teeth filled, and THAT is when I had my first bad reaction to Novocaine.  She gave me one injection and immediately I could feel my heart speeding.  It felt horrible.  I thought I was going to pass out.  I felt like my heart was going to explode.  The dentist spent a good deal of time getting angry with me, because she said that I simply *had* to have high blood pressure, and she was upset that I did not disclose that to her.  I corrected her several times and explained to her that I have *low* blood pressure, actually, and that my blood pressure is usually around 80/60.  Oh no, she would just NOT believe me.  This had to be my fault.  I was so unhappy that she would blame me for the fact that I felt sick that I decided not to go back to her.  I waited about another year to see a dentist, and it wasn't until we moved.

When I met Dr. Brockman, I explained to him how I had a hard time with dentists in the past, and how I have been feeling apprehensive to see another one.  I told him about what happened the last time I had a cavity filled, and instead of blaming me for the occurrence, he explained to me that Novocaine has epinephrine in it, and that the epinephrine causes that reaction in some patients.  He told me there were other things we could try, and that he was sure that he could make me feel comfortable during my dental work.  That was 5 months ago.  Since then, I have had several dental visits to fill in cavities, and have my teeth fixed for various reasons.  Each and every visit (and I have been there at least once, sometimes twice a month) he has explained to me what he was going to use and assured me that he would not use novocaine since it gives my heart a really bad reaction.

The problem with the anesthetic he uses on me, is that it is not as long-lasting as novocaine.  He has always been more than happy to stop any time I start feeling pain again though, and to give me another injection.  He earned my trust by filling in these teeth without my heart skipping and racing.  He made me feel like I could actually trust a dentist to take care of my teeth and not cut corners which could possibly hurt my heart.  In april, I had two wisdom teeth removed without the use of novocaine at all.  It wasn't fun, but we got it done.  I expected the same thing to happen yesterday when I went to the dentist.

I got there, sat in the chair, and they gave me my injections.  The *SECOND* he was done I looked him right in the eye and said "You just use Novocaine on me, didn't you?!"  I was totally panic stricken.  He had NOT asked for my consent, had not warned me, had not made sure it would be OK.  He just did it.  His response:

"Yeah, I wanted to use something that would last longer this time than the carbocaine" (and I may be spelling carbocaine wrong.  That's that how it sounded to me..).  I was so floored.  I cried because my heart rate was going so fast.  It felt horrible.  I thought my heart was going to explode.  The dental assistant just told me to relax and they promised it would be gone soon.  I KNEW it would not though.  I nearly got up and left the dental office right then and there, but I promised Master I would be a good kitty, so I stayed.

At some point, the dentist left the room so he could do an exam, and while he was gone I said to the dental assistant "Why wasn't I warned about the Novocaine?"  She brushed me off saying it was standard and pretending she had no idea there was anything in my file about not using it.  I *KNOW* that there was a huge paper in my file explaining why I could not have Novocaine.  As I said, the very first visit I was there, I went on and on about this to the dentist.  I was terrified and never wanted that horrible reaction again.  What bothers me the most is that after they did it, they pretended like it was no big deal and that they had no clue that I could not have this drug.  They just gave me the initial injections with it, before switching to the carbocaine. 

I really felt like I could trust this dentist, but after this, I feel like my trust has been totally crushed.  I have never had a good dentist.  Never.  I am starting to wonder if they are even out there.  I have a mouth that requires a lot of maintenance just to make sure I can eat, but I am seriously so scared of going to any dentist now.  I have a follow up appointment this thursday, and I am wondering if I should even bother to confront the dentist himself about this.  I am thinking I'll have him follow up on my wisdom teeth (since he is just taking stitches out and no injections will be allowed), and then I'll look for a new dentist if I can muster up the courage.  Master says he would like to see if he can find me a dentist which specializes in people who have had bad dental experiences, but I am just so hurt over this.  I didn't sleep well last night, and kept replaying it over and over in my mind.  He *knew* what he was doing.  This was NOT an accident.  I am hurt right now, and in more ways than a swollen jaw and toothless gums can show.

Absinthe

Master has always been well known amongst his friends for his amazing absinthe brewing powers.  When we moved out here, of course we did not leave his absinthe behind.  It takes a month to prepare though, and with the rate our new friends are going through it, we figured it was time to make more.  We went on down to a local occult shop to buy the herbs he needed.  (And um..  Some catnip for me.  How did THAT get in there..? ;)   Here is the absinthe making process in pictures.

Here is a slightly fuzzy picture of the ingredients we needed. The oranges don't actually get added in for about two weeks, but we added some to the picture anyway.

A picture of one of the anise seed pods. They were just too pretty to not take a picture of. <3

A view of the inside of the decanter, with all the dry herbs mixed in.

A view of the decanter with the herbs and alcohol in it.

A final view of the decanter.

I don't know the technical terms for brewing, or the amounts or names of all the herbs, but if you are interested, please contact Master.  He can be reached on his site here.

Menstruation. On the Rag. Aunt Flo. Yeah, We're Going There.

Welcome to the "ickiest" post I've yet to make.  Feel free to duck out now if you don't want to read about that monthly cycle we all know and love.  Giving you three seconds to get out before you have no excuse to complain.

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Alright!  Everyone who is squeemed out by the idea of menses should be gone now, and we can get right to it.  This morning, I woke up with my period.  Yet again, I realized this is something I'm not supposed to talk about.  It's supposed to be all "hush hush" and secret.  Keep it to yourself!  Nope.  I'm not going to.  Today I wanna talk about menstruation.

The first thing that is really annoying to me about my period, is that mine isn't regular.  Due to the fact that I have PCOS, my periods are all over the place.  I never know if they will last 3 days or one week.  They are never on "time".  For example, I am getting my period this month about 5 days sooner than I got it last month.  Sometimes I'll go 6 weeks with no period, sometimes two weeks.  Having NO CLUE when it will disrupt my life is a pain in the ass for sure.

For me, my schedule changes greatly the second I get my period.  I do not (in general) work in adult chatrooms until my period is gone.  I can, and have in the past, if something comes up and we need extra money or something.  But working with a tampon in (or many of the other un-fun ways to work in an adult chat room and NOT show that you're on your period since decency laws do not permit it) is just not really comfortable or fun, so I don't.  There are two non-adult web sites I work in for maybe two or three hours a day, and that's that.  Truth be told non-adult chat sites are a heck of a lot less busy, thus they don't pay much.

Outside of work, there is usually at least one day that I just plain stay in bed curled up in a ball.  I usually don't even want to watch TV or anything because I'm in too much pain.  Master is NOT a fan of period sex.  We still have it, yes, but it tends to be shower or bath tub sex so as to be easy to clean up.  If I'm just starting or just ending and therefore only spotting, we're usually just put a towel down.

Master also gives me a special assignment during my periods.  That is, I'm supposed to masturbate to orgasm as many times as I possibly can during my period, especially when he is not home.  This serves two purposes:  1- Orgasms make your period go a LITTLE bit faster, thus ending your period a bit sooner than usual, and 2- Orgasms helps reduce menstrual cramps.

What I am wondering is, those of you out there who are female, or who are in a relationship with a female, how does menstruation change things for you?  Do you have any special menstruation rules?  Inquiring minds. ;)

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