The Tiles Were So Small

Things have been tough over the last few weeks.  With Master starting his new job, it hasn’t been easy.  From a financial perspective, I’m still living with an expensive and problematic illness, and I still need medical care that we can’t quite afford yet (nothing life threatening, though).  There are other bills, of course, and there’s food and such that anyone needs.  Still, with amazing insurance on the way, Master and me were just trying to hold down the fort until his first check cleared.  As of today, that check still hasn’t cleared and won’t even clear until tomorrow.  They made us have a paper check (no direct deposit for your first check) and on top of that it took an extra week to get us the first one.  That’s pretty typical of pretty much any new job, but it doesn’t make it more convenient.

Yesterday I woke up, and I was slowly getting the day started.  It wasn’t going well.  I mean, nothing amazingly bad happened, but I was having a rough day physically and one thing after another just lead to a longer more difficult morning.  I was still pushing through though because, after all, Master would be disappointed if I wasn’t giving it my best.  Not giving my best is never an option.

After my shower, I got a phone call from Master.  I wasn’t near the phone so I missed his call and had to call him right back.  I figured that, maybe he just was coming home on his lunch break to surprise me or something.  He has done that twice so far, and before you ask, when I am alone I do have trouble getting dressed before one or so in the afternoon.  It is what it is.  When Master answered the phone, I could tell something was very wrong.  I was terrified that maybe someone back home died or something, like his Mom.  I was just so scared, but, nobody died.  (Thank goodness).

“Kitty?  I lost my job.”

I just couldn’t believe it.  Here we were, so close to pulling ourselves back up by our bootstraps.  All that medical security, the perfect hours, the fact that Master absolutely loved the job he was at and that everyone there loved him back.  The fact that this would be the absolute perfect environment for him to grow in.  The higher wages.  The closer commute.  All of it was just gone.

I think I forgot how to breathe for a little bit because I didn’t even reply.  I couldn’t.  I couldn’t think of what to say.  I stared at the giant ten inch tiles on the bathroom floor.  They looked a lot smaller than I remembered them looking.  I started to shake.  After what was the longest minute I have ever been through I think I managed a:


He explained that his drug test came back positive for speed and opiates.  We already knew that, but Master had gone to his doctor and gotten medical records proving that the false positives were from medicine he was prescribed and had been taking for conditions he has had for five plus years.  He does not now nor has he ever taken pain medicine (other than the random pill for a severe injury here and there, nothing long term), and the medicine he takes are for really generic conditions that many people have.  We were told that if he got a doctor’s note explaining that he didn’t start taking these to get out of any drug tests that he would be fine and his company would be okay with it.  We got the documentation.  Apparently, though, Master’s boss and his team were all fine with it, but the parent company that owns the new company he just got hired at was not fine with it.  They terminated him immediately, didn’t give him any kind of severance (though, he hadn’t even been there for a month yet so expecting one would be silly), and escorted him out of the building.  That was it, game over, no chances.

All of this happened yesterday, and today Master has been on the phone with everyone he could think of.  He’s filing for any type of help we might even remotely qualify for, he’s looking into food pantries in our new city, he even called three lawyers because he is absolutely sure he is being discriminated against, but they all said the same thing: Colorado is an “At will” state.  Employers can fire you simply because you wore a blue shirt, and you have no recourse.  That’s it, nothing to be done.

We’re not sure he’s going to even qualify for unemployment now, but we’re doing everything in our power to get any assistance possible.  With all the severance used up from Master’s lay off back in September, we feel like sitting ducks.  I’m the only one with any job, again, which is scary as my Mewtique and my cam stuff were just a way for me to help us save for vacations in the beginning.  It’s terrifying.  We only just got this house, and we are terrified to lose it and have nowhere to go.  We’re online looking for focus groups, and I’m sewing, crocheting, or caming whenever I possibly can.  My physical ability was improving, but I am never going to be able to come up with mortgage and bill payments right now.  I mean, I’m just too sickly to work for long periods.  Terror is setting in, and we just both cannot believe that all of this is happening so soon after we already got through a major event.  And I know it is only a minor thing, but, Xmas is in a few short weeks.  We already knew we would not get to do presents this year, which we didn’t care about.  Honestly though?  Now I’m scared we will be in the cold in the dark with no food.  I know it won’t be that dramatic, but it’s scary, and right now I’m not feeling particularly optimistic.  It’s hard.

In the past three weeks our hearts were just so high and we were feeling like we were really getting there and we could really start relaxing and getting to a place where we could be happy.  Now, our hearts and thoughts are lower than low and the tiles just seem so much smaller than I ever remember them being.

It’s said that when a door closes, another one opens.  I just sincerely hope that there is something even better out there for Master and me.