Tuck Tuck

Bed time had been sort of lax, lately.  When Master’s contract ended he decided to let me stay up until midnight, because it lets me eat a bit later in the day, and that way I can get one more meal in before bed time.  (My weight is still steadily dropping with the gastroparesis, but not as quickly as when I was first diagnosed).

Somewhere along the way, though, midnight turned into 1AM, and then 2AM, and then whenever I was tired.  To make matters worse, this past week I’ve been having really awful insomnia.  I’ve dealt with insomnia ever since I was in my early teens, and it’s rearing its ugly head again lately.  I toss and turn on the bed all night, but I just can’t fall asleep or stay asleep for more than a couple hours at a time.  Frustrating.  I’m not even awake and stressed or worried about things (though, there is plenty to be stressed about.)  I’m just awake staring at the wall..  Not a good combo.

So, last night Master decided to be a bit less lenient about my bed time. He was being a bit more lax because it didn’t seem to really matter.  After all, we don’t need to be up early.  He thinks that not being consistent enough with my bed time is making matters worse for my insomnia though, so he’s putting me to bed strictly at midnight.  Part of the problem, I think, is that I’m very prone to being a night owl if I am allowed to stay up as late as I like.  Whoops!

While there’s this teeny tiny little bit of me that’s thinking:

“Noo!  I want to stay up with Master!  I don’t wanna go to bed!”

There’s another bit of me that knows that it’s for my own good on a lot of levels.  Having a strict bed time doesn’t prevent me from having insomnia (at all), but it does seem to lessen the insomnia a little bit when we stick with it.  That’s reason enough to be happy about my bed time being a bit more strict.  Besides, a rested slave can serve her Master much better than a sleepy one can.