Blocking Everything Out.

Mighty Redwoods reach for the stars,
and a desert flower struggles for the same.
Is the desert flower’s effort any less worthy?
Perhaps it deserves them even more.

This is a poem Master wrote me back when I first met him.  It’s one of those things I keep close to my heart and remember whenever I am feeling very stressed out, or like there is just too much going on.  I’ve had this nervous kind of churning in my belly more often than not lately, and it is something I don’t want to get used to, but I’m not sure how to get rid of it either.

There are so many things right now that are worrying or stressing me out.  So many things that just shouldn’t be going down that are.  I am trying to find my sunshine, but it is becoming lost and muddled for me.  I have been spending far too much of my time either near tears, or trying to distract myself from crying.

Honestly, the only time lately which I have been able to block everything going on out, and just focus on the task at hand is when I am working or shooting clips.  Work is something which I have always been able to check my troubles at the door for, regardless of whether I am working from home, or outside of it.  When a client enters my room, it becomes just him and me – and truly, all I focus on is making sure he has as much fun as I do.  I am not the girl from my chat room most of the time.  She is a totally different girl, she acts different, her life is totally sunny, she never ever brings any of the “baggage of life” into a session.  That is where I’ve been having my escapes.

Even being with Master isn’t as stress free as it used to be.  Oh, not because of anything he has said or done, or how he is treating me, but more because of the fact that I am now worried about him.  I apologize, dear readers, if I’m not myself for a bit, or if I am having trouble posting blogs.  I think right now, I am just trying to block everything out and find a way back to myself, to my happy place, and to a much lower stress level.

I will do it though, because I am Master’s little desert flower.

And, my effort is just as worthy as any mighty redwood.


6 thoughts on “Blocking Everything Out.

  1. *mega hug* I'm in a similar situation right now too. Alot of things are up in the air right now and I don't really know what the future holds. Hope your able to work through things soon.

  2. You’re effort, as your Master’s poem reads, is worth more. The redwood is built for those great lofty heights, it comes easy to them and they all grow tall. For the desert flower, there is a distinct struggle to reaching for those stars. And to make it is a very distinct and praise worthy feat.
    Life doesn’t come easily, but know there are many rocks in your life that will help hold you up as you reach for you star.

    I may not know you very well, nor you me, but I have been following you from near the beginning of your internet journey– that said I care greatly for your triumphs and miseries and wish you all the luck in the world.

    1. Thanks Kitten,

      That was really kind of you to say. I’m feeling a bit better today, but here’s hoping the long weekend cheers me up hardcore. ^^

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