Marriage, And Why We Had One.

There is so much animosity surrounding the fact that Master and me are married, and I truly could not tell you why.  When people find out (in person) that we’re married, we get comments like:

“Wow, I didn’t realize people still do that!”


“Oh you poor man”  (To Master)

Online I get told all the time how weird it is for someone in such an alt lifestyle is actually married.  I also take flak for the fact that we do not play exclusively.  (Why would you want to marry someone and then still have sex or playtime with other people?)

Well, here they are.  My reasons why I am married to Master.  Firstly, since I consider myself to be pansexual, I see myself as requiring three types of people on the whole to feel “complete”.  I don’t look at Master as my other half, I see him as my other “third”.  I am still seeking my final third, and goodness only knows if I will ever find my last “piece”.

The truth of the matter is that marriage is no longer about love.  It’s more of a legal thing.  In the beginning of our relationship (I am a much healthier person now) I found myself in the emergency room, and they would not let Master in to see me no matter what.  In some places (including where we lived at the time) only family is allowed to see you.  I do NOT want my family in an emergency room with me.  I love my mother, but she has this habit of making everyone around her nervous.  Truly, the last thing I (or anyone) needs in that situation is more stress.  I want my other third.  I want Master.  Without marriage, that was not possible 90% of the time.

In the same medical vein, if something ever happened to me, I would want to make sure that Master had complete and utter say on whether or not to keep me on life support.  Again, I love my family, but I do not trust that they would make the right decision.  Master knows me inside and out and much better than they do.  I would not feel safe having anyone but Master choose.  I know he wouldn’t let me go without reason, but I also know he wouldn’t keep me here needlessly either.

If I were to die, Master knows the exact funeral I would want.  As painful as it is to say, yes, I have thought about my death in the past.  It isn’t something I dwell on, but I am not one of those 20-somethings who believe it is impossible for them to die.  He knows how I want to leave this world.  My family, no matter how much I voice my opinions will never know me that well and will do whatever they like when I die.  This I am sure of.  At the end of the day, Master will take care of my funeral the way I want to go out – I know this.

Also in the same “death” vein, I would want to make sure that anything of value of mine would go directly to the man I married, the man I love more than anything.  I would not want anything of mine falling to the wrong people.  Marriage sees to it that my possessions truly do become HIS possessions.

I’m not saying that I do not LOVE Master.  Of course I do.  Love was just one of the last reasons I had on my mind when I chose to marry him.  I am more than capable of loving people without a little slip of paper to tell me that I do.  Marriage for me is more about legalities.  I do not and will never regret my decision.  I love him with all my heart.  The very fact that I am willing to give over control of my very life in the event of a life-threatening accident totally to his decision should say that.  I just needed the government to hear my voice in those matters as well.


11 thoughts on “Marriage, And Why We Had One.

  1. Legal marriage really is the best option. No matter how many living wills, durable powers of attorney, or similar documents I fill out, it isn't as guaranteed as your marriage. I live where three states are very close together so to be anything close to safe I have to have 3 copies of each of those documents for me and another 3 for Master. (Each state is different and so I'd need a valid copy for whatever state I was in when the documents were needed.)
    Plus, I run the risk of either my relatives or his making a case that the documents should be invalidated.
    Honestly, I think government shouldn't have anything to do with marriage but it does. Some people have chosen to not get their relationship acknowledged by the government until everyone who wants to can. While I can respect that I don't think it will ever happen. I doubt a US government will ever hand out marriages to triads for example.
    So, I for one completely understand and support your decision. Esp as someone who ends up in the ER at least once a year.

  2. We mostly got married for legal reasons to. In Australia if your living together for over a year or something your considered defacto, Same applies to same sex. So we were practically married already lol. Plus we were going to get a mortgage, so we thought why the hell not? Being married also means I get his health insurence, which is the best in the country. So when people comment on me getting married (apperently young even though I am 24) I just say "we were practically married before so whats the difference?" lol

  3. Hi- long time voyeur but first time commenter here!

    This post makes so much sense and if its any consolation, I don't think marriage is strange at all. I have complete respect for anyone willing to get married because yeah, somewhere down the line if you go the distance, you will have to deal with the possibility of a loved one dying or getting sick or something. I mean, right now I'm not sure if I want to get married because there's still a lot of things I want to do on my own that may become complicated by marriage but as they say- 'horses for courses', or in your case, kitties, hehe!

    xx MM

  4. Someone actually said, "Wow I didn't realize people still did that?" Were they being sarcastic? Even still, that's all pretty rude. I mean, I understand in this day and age marriage isn't for everyone, but it still a pretty big part of modern society.

    So, is your final third a man or a woman, do you think? Or is it more the person then the gender?

    1. My final third will be either a woman or an "other".

      I wish I could say he was being sarcastic, but I KNOW he was not, unfortunately. The rest of the day we were together he kept making marriage "cracks". *eye roll* I totally get that some things are not for everyone, but there's really never a good excuse for rudeness, I don't think.

      There's always a small part of me who thinks that rudeness and unkindness is often born of ignorance, so I figured that perhaps this post would lay to rest some questions people had. We'll see.

  5. I am very happy to see that I am not the only pansexual out there, and although I am currently very single. The "third" relationship is something I have always felt very strongly for myself. It's not that I won't love my master/mistress entirely [when and if I ever do get one that sticks :)] it's that…well its sort of hard to explain…but..In my mind I see myself having a master, a male, and in an ideal relationship, I have an equal, whether this equal, is a male or female is yet to be decided, although I'd prefer a female…The idea of being mated with both a male and a female, sharing eachother, being completly content, loved. You'll never be alone. You'll have everything fulfilled, both my straight, and my gay side.

    I'm so happy that you feel this way too – it makes me feel…a little less alone :>

    1. Aww! I'm glad you feel less alone! 🙂 My other third is either female or an "Other" I'm not sure which. I haven't met them yet, but I think they would be dominant to me as well..

  6. Really interesting view point. I’d pondered the legalities of it but never those specific ones.
    Fortunately I never had the problems of my old Master not being allowed into hospital to see me when I was admitted to A&E (ER) a couple of times, they let him in the ambulance and let him stay with me with no problems.
    You make a great case for marriage in the legal sense though. In a way I suppose it’s a shame that you have to be married to have those rights, but then again if you love each other then why not?!

    1. Thanks Livi! I agree that it is totally a shame. I know I didn’t talk much about the love aspect in this post, but I wanted to point out the legal reasons mostly. I’m really happy with the man I married and wouldn’t change him for the world. 🙂

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