Kneeling At My Feet

The other day, Master and me went to the office to put in a work order since a couple things around the house seem to be breaking.  We needed some tiles glued, we’re missing a door knob handle for a pantry, and a few other things.  We placed our order, and requested “C,” who always comes by because he understands I work from home, and he always calls first to make sure I am not in a show.  In other words, C is cool shit.

When we were done we went over to the pool, and I laid down on a pool chair.  There was supposed to be a pool party so Master and me were just waiting for the fun to begin.  Suddenly, C showed up and knelt by my feet as I was laying there.  I know he was doing this to talk to me on my level (eye to eye).  I also know he was doing this as an act of discretion, so we could whisper a bit about my schedule during the week without every person nearby hearing what was going on.  Something bothered me about the situation though.  I sat up after the first sentence or two and crossed my legs in front of me.  I could not place my finger on what was bothering me until later that day.

I do not like it when anyone kneels by my feet.  No matter the situation, it always feels uncomfortable.  I always feel like it should be the other way around.  It doesn’t matter if we are in a D/s situation or not.  I am the one who should be on the floor.  When a man does this, it especially feels wrong.  I do not see myself as equal to men by any means.  I do not see myself as being on the same level as them, I see them as (in general, and each man always has the ability to prove me wrong) smarter, generally right, stronger.  This doesn’t have as much to do with my kinky lifestyle as it has to do with my upbringing.

Now, please do not misunderstand me.  I do not think that men are better, smarter, stronger than women.  I do not think that women are on a different “lower” level than men.  I have an open mind, and everyone deserves the right to find their own path.  Women are not objects.  Women are not things.  Women can do anything.  But not me.

Growing up, my parents were very old fashioned.  My mother taught me to sew, and my father encouraged me to read.  If I wanted to go outside and swim with my brothers, it was looked down upon.  Why?  Because my mother thought that I should be indoors doing needle work, cooking, cleaning, or reading.  I’m sure a lot of you are going to take offense to that.  Please don’t.  They are my parents, and I love them dearly, including everything they tried to instill in me.  My parents also taught me that not everyone lives this way.  Not every woman is like this.  They simply brought me up to be the kind of woman that they thought would make a man happy.

More than once growing up, when I would ask my Daddy if I could help him with something, he would often tell me “Oh, this is a man’s job, but thank you for offering to help me.  Maybe your Mother needs help.”  And off I would go.  He didn’t mean it with malice, or hate.  Those we simply his feelings.  I think that going to school which taught the opposite of what I learned at home made me feel like yes, there are women out there who feel the same way I do, and are happy.  But women can also be CEOs, or public figures in places of power etc, so long as that makes them happy.  I am not anti-women’s progress.  I am simply anti-ME doing those things.  Your choice is your choice, and my choice lands me at Master’s (and sometimes other people’s) feet.

I am happy being this way.  I am not blind.  I know the entire world doesn’t work like this.  There are male subs, and female Mistresses.  There are male adult babies, with female “mommies”.  There are women police officers and women doctors, and I do not think that any of those things are “wrong”.  Here in my world, my life, this is how I feel.  I do not like running the show.  I do not want to see myself as Master’s (or any other man’s) equal, I do not want to be in charge of him.  I simply want to be his compliment.  He makes the plans, and I carry out the orders.  Sometimes, it takes a little thing like someone trying to schedule a time to come by to make you realize something that has always been going on.


10 thoughts on “Kneeling At My Feet

  1. i totally understand where you are coming from. i’m the same way. i’m from a very small town in the south and my family is very old fashion. everyone is different and has to do what they feel is right for themselves but i always knew when i grew up the man of the house would be in charge. when i was little i thought that would be my husband not my Daddy. oh if i only knew then what i know now. lol

    its really eye opening and sometimes a little over whelming when little things like that make you realize just how much you belong where you are. some people belong in court rooms working as a lawyer, some people belong at their Master’s feet collared and owned and some people belong in diapers and to be cared for and treated like a baby. to each their own =)

    1. Thanks Pampered Bottoms. <3 I'm glad to hear there are others out there who have always felt this way too. Plus, you and your Daddy are so cute together. lol. <3 Almost August! You must be going crazy.

  2. The things that make our world right and complete and balanced are as unique and diverse as anything could ever be. Like an expression of our DNA. Sometimes, life sends us these sneaky little events to reinforce our personal truths. Some people go a looooong time without being able to wrap their heads around their own natures. And then comes that aha moment. 😀 I love aha moments. 😉

  3. I was raised similar, but I wasn’t given any explanations. I was raised where the man is in charge and all but, and I was raised to be a lady and listen to men. But at the same time, I was also raised that I should not be girly at all. So I was very, very confused as a child and grew to resent how I was raised.

    It is amazing though, how we can look back on our childhood and say “yep! That sure explains it!” LOL

  4. I’ve tried to write a response three times. Nothing is coming out right.

    My Mother is a staunch feminist, straddling the line of female supremacy, and tried to instill that in me. It worked up to a point and then broke utterly.

    I definitely wasn’t raised to show my Master as much respect as I do. Especially not a male partner.

    My Father wanted me to do things like play football and play with tools. I just wasn’t interested.

    1. Very cool. 🙂 Actually, I was always trying to get to play with tools. 🙂 Not for girls though, I suppose. Ah, well. I can bake a mean pie! *Laughs*

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