I’m afraid.  Afraid of something very silly, for an adult my age.  I’m afraid to go to the dentist and have my teeth removed next Friday.  If you want to read about my visit to have my first two wisdom teeth out, you can go here to read about it.  Basically though, it didn’t go well at all – and now I’m scared to go back.  I was supposed to go in June, but could not deal with it at the time and cancelled.  Master wants me to have these teeth out before our anniversary in September though, so I’m trying to be a good kitty.

The other day I looked at the calendar and then looked at Master.  I looked at the calendar again, then looked at Master.  I mentioned to him that there were less than two weeks until I get my teeth out.  He looked at me and tried to cheer me up by reminding me that we’re going out to my favorite restaurant before we go to the appointment.  Don’t get me wrong – I think this is really sweet of him.  I’m glad I’ll be able to fill up on one big meal before I am stuck on a liquid diet as well..  It just isn’t much of a consolation prize to me, I don’t think.

Generally, if some kind of medical procedure is coming up like this, I hit this odd sort of depression before I get actually nervous.  I lose all motivation.  I sleep in late.  I am less joyful.  I do not want to eat.  I do not sleep well.  Then, about a day before I go in, I am on pins and needles and get the shakes.  Medical procedures are not anything I ever look forward to.  Hell, I do not even really enjoy medical play in a sexual sense.  I think my worst nightmare would be Master acquiring a dental chair to strap me into.  I think I would cry before he even did anything to me.  ::Shudders::

One thing which is really annoying me lately, which had annoyed me a lot when I have my first two teeth out are all the people telling me to buck up and get over it.  “Oh, you’re a masochist!  You’ll love it!”  No.  No I won’t.  I’m going because Master wants me to, and because I am an adult who understands that if I do not go, there will be medical consequences down the road.  But not ALL masochists enjoy ALL types of pain.  It is far different to me to receive pain or fear from someone I love and trust like my Master, then it is to receive it from someone who I have no connection with at all, even on just a play partner kind of level.

I’m in one of those funks right now.  I have no motivation.  I just want to curl up in a ball and nap until D-Day arrives next Friday.  I’m trying my best to be busy and not dwell on impending unpleasantness, but fear is a normal human emotion.  I am human.  I am afraid.

7 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Ack! You have right-click disabled on your site. Expect my spelling to suck because I can’t right-click to fix it unless I know how *laughs*

    I hate the doctor and I have to go often. I relate to much of what you’ve said. Having Master has made it much easier to go to the doctor or have tests but I still try to avoid it.
    I will admit that I’m not big into pain of any type anymore. I’ve just lost that as I’ve gotten older/sicker so it is harder to use the masochist argument on me. That said, there really is good pain and bad pain. I wish more people realized that. Sometimes the difference is type and sometimes source.

    Being on a liquid diet can be hard. I haven’t done it in some time and I have no idea if there’s something like Ensure for Vegans so that complicates things I would think.

    Being a responsible adult and sub is so hard sometimes. Just doing things because you know it is ‘right’ and ‘responsible’ and because the consequences of not doing it suck just isn’t any fun. I know Master will be pleased and that’s enough but ugh… I wish I could explain it better.

    Be gentle with yourself please. Resting up before D-Day might not be the worst idea your body has ever came up with. That said, I know being in any sort of ‘funk’ for any reason just feels bad.

    1. Lol. Oops! Yeah, we disabled right click because we plan to post lots of nudes. 😉 Your spelling looks great to me though!

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Sweetie. Yeah, so far as I know there is no Ensure for vegans. Side note: I used to drink Ensure all the time, before I became vegan. 🙂 Master said he would make me lots of green smoothies though. That should be good at least. <3 The liquids are not nessasarily a HUGE problem for me, I just prefer warm foods, so eating cold ones all day is just unsatasfying. Could be worse though, I guess.

      Mew mew 🙂

  2. *hug* I know it sucks sweetie, but once you’ve done it, you’ll never have to worry about it again. I hate going to the dentist too; remember how I told you up until a year ago it had been 5 years since my last visi?. Yeah, it wasn’t just because I was lazy 😉

    You’ll be fine and this time, you’ll have Apple Pig with you. Just make sure you feed him his apples before you go, or he might wander off and look for some. Speaking of which, I think I’ll have an apple for dessert…

    Which appears to be gone.


    APPLE PIG!!!!

    1. LOL! Thanks Maverick. The good news is that your comment made me laugh my ass off. Seriously though, I think I’m bringing Biggle Piggle. She is more cuddly and a hell of a lot less.. Well, offensive than Apple Pig. lol! 😉

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