Defining a “scene” has been such a tricky thing for me in the past. Typically, most people in the BDSM lifestyle (or who just have kinks or BDSM tendencies) think of a scene as a period of time in which some element of BDSM takes place, and then they go back to their “normal” life. For example, maybe they only assume roles for a couple hours a day, and the rest of the time they spend being casual and BDSM never leaves the bedroom. That is great and wonderful. That’s not really how I’ve ever done it though.
Since I’ve been interested in BDSM no matter who I have been with, we have always tried to take at least a little bit of the power exchange outside the bedroom. Little things like feeding each other, or having food chosen for me, wearing a collar in public, or obeying orders no matter who we are around. Sometimes I would wear covert bondage, sometimes I would be told not to look anyone else in the eye, or to make sure not to speak unless directly spoken to. At home, we tend to maintain medium to low protocol status, unless we are in the middle of.. Well, I’m not entirely sure what to call it. Do you call it a scene?
To me, even if we’re not in a high protocol situation all the time, we are still doing some sort of lighter “scene”. For example I am rarely permitted the ability to sit up on the couch with Master. I am usually on the floor, which is a constant reminder of not only where I belong in this relationship, but where both Master and I feel that I should be in general. That is an entry for another post though. I do not make the decisions. Most of the time, Master comes up with the bulk of the ideas. He is human though and sometimes I’ll remind him of this or that thing which he has forgotten and needs to be worked into the plans. I do not choose my own food in restaurants except in very rare cases where Master permits me to. I often wear restraints around the house. I always wear restraints to bed. Master will often tether me into my kitty space on the floor. Those are just a few examples of things which we do which many people might consider to be scening.
Because of this, I have always had a hard time determining what was a scene, and what is merely a part of our very different lifestyle. For a while, I had settled on labeling any event in which we had sex a scene, but that doesn’t make sense to me anymore. I think that for us, and for other people with similar lives, it is possible that our entire lives are some sort of scene. I’m not saying that there aren’t more intense parts to it – there certainly are. It does not make any sense to me though to discredit the less intense parts of the scene that is our life together.
Sometimes it is the little minute things which we do which help to remind me of our dynamic and my place in it, as well as my place in the world. Those things are what enable me to be so obedient when it comes time to do the more “intense” things in our relationship. They help me feel whole and at peace. We do not talk ahead and negotiate what is going to happen. Master chooses, and it happens. It definitely didn’t happen over night, but I love this.
I love the big, chaotic scene we call “life”.