Being Fragile

Icing my knee

Sunday night, Master and me decided to go to the hot tub after our workout.  Everything was fine, and very relaxing.  On the way back to the car, something very odd happened to me.  All of a sudden, I could not put any weight on my knee.  Master walked over to me to see if he could be a crutch for me, so I could sort of hobble to the car.  No way.  I could absolutely put NO weight on my knee at all.  Whenever I tried, I felt like there was a bubble in my knee that was going to pop if I put weight on it.  Master ran to the car to drop off our towels and water bottles, and while he was gone, a few minutes later – I was suddenly able to put weight on my knee again and walk.  It hurt, but I could walk.  I got to the car, we went home, and I could walk for the rest of the day, but I kept feeling sharp twinges in my knee.

The next morning when I woke up, there was a bruise on the part of my knee where I felt the pain the night before.  I called the nurse’s hotline, and they were worried that I dislocated something or that I had active bleeding in my knee, so I should be seen immediately.  I went to Urgent Care, and the doctor isn’t really 100% sure what happened.  He thinks it may be patellar tendinitis, and to watch the bruising and make sure it doesn’t spread more.  There is (or was) definitely bleeding in my knee at the time of the “injury” in order to make a bruise he said.  Ice, ibuprofen, and don’t walk on it if I can help it.  All pretty obvious things.  Call your doctor if it doesn’t improve in four days.  Blah blah.

Since I jog 5-6 miles per day, you’d think that an injury of this sort happened during one of my jogs or something, but no.  It happened out of the blue with no acute injury to bring it on.  This is the sort of thing that really gets to me.  All my life, people have just told me I’m fragile.  “Oh, it’s not a bad thing” they say, “It just means we have to take good care of you.”  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m happy that there are people in my life who are willing to look after me when I’m injured or sick, but I do not want to be that girl who has to rely on other people ALL the time.  These injuries seem to crop up more as time goes by, with no warning, or really any sort of provocation.  I do NOT see myself as weak though.  As I said, I jog 5-6 miles per day six days per week and I strength train for one hour twice per week.  I do my best to keep myself healthy, and when these little things pop up (no matter how minor) and put me out of commission for a few days, it’s just a major kick in the teeth to me. 

Still, why is it that these things never happen during any of our more intense BDSM sessions?  Not that I want to get injured more often or anything, but it would seem to me that these “injuries” seem to pop up when I’m NOT doing anything strenuous or difficult at all.  I don’t understand how that works.

Sometimes I want to just lay back and accept it.  Everyone is right.  I’m just easily breakable.  No need to argue, after all there really isn’t anything you can do about it right?  Every time it happens I say to myself “There is no WAY this is going to happen again.”  But you know what?  It always does.  I guess I can either go with it, and just accept the fact that I’m “easy to break”, or I can stick my head in the sand again and pretend like this won’t happen again.


::Sticks head in sand::

/End Whinge

8 thoughts on “Being Fragile

  1. *hug* Hope you feel better soon sweetie, and that you don’t need to go to the doctor again. You’ll get through this, I know. Your a tough little kitty 🙂

    BTW, love the Hello Kitty ice pack 😉

  2. awww get well soon kitty *hugs*
    With the people I know things always seem to crop up when they’re not doing anything. A family member had worked a stressful job all his life, 6 months after he quit he had a heart attack! I think it might be to do with relaxation, so you’re not paying attention to your body, you let your guard down and bam! But I’m not a doctor!

  3. Wow! I thought I was the only one that had this. I know exactly what you mean. You go through your weekly regimen and nothing happens, or even when you’re doing more strenuous activity that you’d think you’d get an injury from, nothing.

    Yet then, all of a sudden, there’s pain and something from out of the blue. Have you ever had a bruise or injury from waking up? You went to bed and it was fine, and when you woke up something had happened? It’s just a complete bamboozler.

    Get will soon, lil’ kitty.

  4. I so totally understand. Having a chronic pain condition I can have debilitating pain, just out of the blue, with actually no injury. I actually enjoy having a true injury a lot of the time ‘cuz then I can say “Yes, I have pain here because x happened to y body part.” However, when it comes to my fibromyalgia I can say “No, I’m not injured. I’m just down and out with intense pain.”

    I have tendinitis in several body parts. Icing is best when it’s acting up, but good, regular stretching will help make the “flare ups” less frequent and less painful.


    1. Thanks @Jessie Beth. I don’t really have classic tendinitis symptoms, so I’m seeing my usual doctor on Saturday. Here’s hoping that one way or another, this gets resolved. Sorry about your fibro though. I have a friend who has fibro, and that sucks. 🙁

  5. I can relate on a lot of levels.
    It’s wonderful that the people around you don’t treat you with disdain for being fragile. That’s my usual experience.

    Livi is right about the relaxation to a point. If I’m relaxed I’m not guarding my joints as well with my muscles so they get more easily injured. But, I’m far from normal so don’t use my body as an example.

    For me, I want to be self-sufficent. I want to be taken care of by Master because he wants to do so not because he has to because I can’t do anything. I want to choose to stay where I’m told for several hours instead of my body forcing me to be there.

    BTW, I love your ice pack. 🙂

    1. @Lada Thank you for the kind words. 🙂 I think so many of my friends and family are willing to help when I’m sick probably because I’m super finctional most of the time, and I’m always helping everyone out. ::Major hugs to you::

      Oh, and I got the ice pack at Target, I think. 🙂

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