Being Fragile

Sunday night, Master and me decided to go to the hot tub after our workout.  Everything was fine, and very relaxing.  On the way back to the car, something very odd happened to me.  All of a sudden, I could not put any weight on my knee.  Master walked over to me to see if he could be a crutch for me, so I could sort of hobble to the car.  No way.  I could absolutely put NO weight on my knee at all.  Whenever I tried, I felt like there was a bubble in my knee that was going to pop if I put weight on it.  Master ran to the car to drop off our towels and water bottles, and while he was gone, a few minutes later – I was suddenly able to put weight on my knee again and walk.  It hurt, but I could walk.  I got to the car, we went home, and I could walk for the rest of the day, but I kept feeling sharp twinges in my knee.

The next morning when I woke up, there was a bruise on the part of my knee where I felt the pain the night before.  I called the nurse’s hotline, and they were worried that I dislocated something or that I had active bleeding in my knee, so I should be seen immediately.  I went to Urgent Care, and the doctor isn’t really 100% sure what happened.  He thinks it may be patellar tendinitis, and to watch the bruising and make sure it doesn’t spread more.  There is (or was) definitely bleeding in my knee at the time of the “injury” in order to make a bruise he said.  Ice, ibuprofen, and don’t walk on it if I can help it.  All pretty obvious things.  Call your doctor if it doesn’t improve in four days.  Blah blah.

Since I jog 5-6 miles per day, you’d think that an injury of this sort happened during one of my jogs or something, but no.  It happened out of the blue with no acute injury to bring it on.  This is the sort of thing that really gets to me.  All my life, people have just told me I’m fragile.  “Oh, it’s not a bad thing” they say, “It just means we have to take good care of you.”  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m happy that there are people in my life who are willing to look after me when I’m injured or sick, but I do not want to be that girl who has to rely on other people ALL the time.  These injuries seem to crop up more as time goes by, with no warning, or really any sort of provocation.  I do NOT see myself as weak though.  As I said, I jog 5-6 miles per day six days per week and I strength train for one hour twice per week.  I do my best to keep myself healthy, and when these little things pop up (no matter how minor) and put me out of commission for a few days, it’s just a major kick in the teeth to me. 

Still, why is it that these things never happen during any of our more intense BDSM sessions?  Not that I want to get injured more often or anything, but it would seem to me that these “injuries” seem to pop up when I’m NOT doing anything strenuous or difficult at all.  I don’t understand how that works.

Sometimes I want to just lay back and accept it.  Everyone is right.  I’m just easily breakable.  No need to argue, after all there really isn’t anything you can do about it right?  Every time it happens I say to myself “There is no WAY this is going to happen again.”  But you know what?  It always does.  I guess I can either go with it, and just accept the fact that I’m “easy to break”, or I can stick my head in the sand again and pretend like this won’t happen again.

>.<

::Sticks head in sand::

/End Whinge