I have no clue why, but for some reason, whenever I meet kinky people either online or in person for the first time, they always ask this one inevitable question:

“What’s the worst thing your Master or partner has ever done to punish you?”

And, then, it’s usually followed with something along the lines of:

“Have you ever been tied and left in uncomfortable positions?”  Or: “Has he left bruises on you as a punishment?”  Etc, etc.

I have to admit, that this is one of the most annoying questions to me ever.  I know that everyone does their kink differently, and most do it differently than us (though I know some out there have the same sort of dynamic, we’re not completely unique in this).  But, the truth is, if you’re interested in my kinky escapades, you’re better off to ask me about the opposite of my punishments.  Yep, the things that we do when I’m a good girl.

The way everyone does things is different, and that is what makes all of our kinks work well for each and every one of us.  For us though, punishment is not something to be taken lightly, and it is not incorporated into sex.  Punishment for me is something I truly hate.  I don’t get orgasms.  I’m not given sex or beatings.  I’m not teased with vibrators or allowed to suck cock.  Punishments are not a game to us.  They are not used to enhance the bedroom (and if that works for you great, but it doesn’t work for us).

Why doesn’t Master do those things with me?  You’d think it’d be obvious, but here it is:

If you give someone something good (orgasms, play they like, etc), then they are bound to do the incorrect action again.  For us, punishments are there for a reason: to correct behaviour that Master doesn’t want me to repeat.  They offer me no sexual or emotional pleasure, they give me no joy at all.  With each punishment comes a deep sense of shame and anger, usually directed at myself..  Unless I truly feel I am being misunderstood, or that I did something wrong accidentally (which is exceedingly rare, and I can only think of a few times when this occured, usually by misunderstanding what my task at hand was).

I completely understand how pain and bruises and uncomfortable positions can make a person straighten up and fly right.  But, I am a masochist..  Giving a pain slut pain is not going to discourage her bad behaviour, it will only encourage it.

If I want Master’s attention in a good way (biting, ropes, chains, bruises, cutting, cock, and more) then I have to be a good girl, because it is far easier to misbehave than it is to do as I am asked most of the time.  It’s a lot easier to sit around and decide that I don’t feel like doing my chores, because I’d prefer a spanking instead.  No, that sort of thing doesn’t work for us.

So, what does Master do to me if I’ve been really, truly bad?

For very minor transgressions he’ll squirt me in the face with a spray bottle of water.  I hate having water on my face, I don’t even put my head underwater in the pool.  This usually does a great job at deterring me, because I genuinely hate it.

There’s really only two other things that Master does to me for punishment.

He will lock me in a small room without any attention or electronic devices (such as the bathroom).


He will lock me in a small room without any lights without any attention or electronic devices (such as the bathroom).

I absolutely crave Master’s attention  all the time.  The absolute worst thing he can do to me, is deny me that attention.  I don’t just mean play.  I love playing with him, of course..  But honestly, even denying me his voice is so horrible to me.  I would rather have him yelling and screaming and ranting and raging at me than to lock me up without any attention or love, or the sound of his voice.  That horrible, deafening quiet is the absolutely worst thing he could ever do to me, or not do to me, truly.

If you want to know about the bruises he bestows upon me, or how he’ll make me squirm in uncomfortable positions, or how long he held out before letting me breathe…  Don’t ask me about my punishments.  Ask me about my good behaviour.  Ask me what I did to earn my spankings.  Ask me how I pleased Master.

To Master and me, far too much emphasis is placed on being bad and getting punished in general, in the community.  I don’t understand why that is always one of the first questions to come up when meeting new, kinky people.  I completely respect other’s choices and lifestyle preferences, but my punishments are not something I am ever proud of.  Being punished means I have genuinely gone and upset Master by disobeying.  Why would disobeying be something worth boasting about?  If you ask me, I’d much rather tell you about the times that I was good, or helped Master, or did something I knew he wanted without being asked.  I don’t take pleasure in making Master look bad, or feel bad – in public or in private.  Why would I brag about it?

10 thoughts on “Punishment

  1. I dont really get that ether. Though I’ve done no real life dominating I have done it online and its frustrating as hell when any of the people I play with want me to punish them. Id rather do things we like than take out time to punish them. It generally waists the time of everyone involved if they go out of their way to get punished. I’m right there with you with being annoyed by people asking how you get punished/punish people.

  2. For people who aren’t 24/7 (and probably even some people who are), “punishment” is part of play, not a genuine attempt at behaviour modification.

    For me actual punishment for actual non-sexual behaviour is a hard limit. If my bf is unhappy with something I’ve done – or if I’m unhappy with his actions – I want us to discuss it like equals. I might “misbehave” in a sexy way in order to be “punished”, but we both understand that it’s play and not reality. If I get a spanking and am then sent to the corner because I was caught masturbating, it doesn’t mean that my bf really objects to me masturbating. It means that we both get off on pretending I’ve been naughty and playing out a pretend punishment.

    So when people are asking about punishment, they probably mean “punishment” because they draw their limits somewhere differently than you do.

    1. @Silverdrop Good points, and as I mentioned in my post, I completely understand that some people play the way you describe, but for us – it just doesn’t work. I’m glad that you enjoy what you and your boyfriend do though. It’s just not our thing.

  3. Really great post! I get asked that same question all the time. I haven’t been punished in a long time because I shrive to be a good slave and not get punished. Punishments in our home are not fun. I’ve received the cane several times which is not fun and not playful or sexy. It’s punishment and hurts!! I also have been locked in our bathroom. We’ve got a lock on it from the outside so I cant’ get out. I hate that!! I also get grounded when punished and that also isn’t fun. I used to wonder if others ever had punishments like that. Most people that I’ve read are similar to what you said in your post. The Master/Dom “spanks them” or does sexy stuff which they like. I’ve never understood that though.

    1. @Padme I’ve never really understood it either. A lot of people get off on the somewhat taboo idea that sex and sexual acts are dirty or naughty, and for me and Master, we just don’t feel that way at all. Sex is fun, sexual acts are fun, but punishments for us are serious business – and not fun at all.

  4. Punishments aren’t fun for me, AT ALL. Many a time I read online and see “I got punished, I had to come.” Orgasms to Fang and I are positive things, if I fuck up, I don’t get them. I had to kneel against the wall and pin a marshmallow with my nose… I cried. I was angry. Not at her, but myself for screwing up so bad that I had to be punished. Luckily, I’ve only been punished twice, and LEARNED from what I did wrong so I don’t do again.

    I just can’t wrap my head around punishments = pleasure-y stuff that some people do. But hey, we’re all different like you said. 🙂

    Purrs and snuggles. <3

    1. @Vanille Completely agree! To each their own, but if you really want to modify someone’s behaviour, giving them something they like isn’t going to do it. >.< It is good to see other people are similar to us, sometimes I feel like we're the only ones, though I know we're not.

  5. Thank you for sharing this, Kitty. I am not sure of why people are fascinated by punushment and negativity; but maybe they are interested because they want to know they aren’t the only one making missteps and being punished. Or maybe like your other commenters added, for these people (those who ask), punishment is about correction.

    I cannot say because I don’t have much experience with punishment or correction.

    However, I would add that discipline seems like a private matter and it seems an inappropriate question to casually ask friends, let alone strangers.

    1. @The Winsome Gypsy Thank you for your comment, Sweetie. I think you’re right about their curiosity. Lots of people are curious, but I also agree that I don’t think it’s something that you should just bring up with someone you don’t know well.

      I fully admit I’m not perfect, and I do make mistakes. While I strive for good behaviour, I have made errors. I’ve written about some of them, and some of them I choose to keep private. Like anything, no one is going to share 100% of their punishments with the world. Still, it’s an interesting topic, I think.

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