It’s tricky. I’m not prone to lying by any means. I’m actually a pretty up front and honest person, for the most part. Lying by omission has been one sort of lie that I accidentally seem to walk into, and it isn’t always conscious.
I can trace this one back to when I was a little kid (as I can most things, it seems). I would be honest and up front about the fact that I didn’t like the way a food tasted, and my brother (who was a complete asshole) would always bait my Mom (who is self-admittedly dim witted) that I was just saying I didn’t like something so that she’d give me something better. You know. Like fruit snacks or a cookie. I never have been very fond of meat in general, including when I was a little kid. I remember my Mom used to buy Slim Jims all the time, and give those to us as snacks. The first time I had one, I hated it. Not only is it meat, but it is greasy and spicy. I am not a spicy food person at all. I took one bite and tried not to wretch or spit it up. I said I didn’t like it. Of course, my brother piped up that I was only saying that to get a pretzel, or a banana. Nope. I full out said I’d be willing not to eat anything. I just didn’t like the snack. Not only was I forced to eat it anyway (and it took me a couple of days, because when I didn’t finish it for snack, it was dinner, and when I didn’t finish it for dinner, it was breakfast. EW!) but it seemed that honestly wasn’t rewarded because from then on whenever we were having Slim Jims, I had to eat them too, even knowing that I hated them. Thanks Mom.
That’s just one example of a history of crap like that. It wasn’t a one time event. It happened a lot. At any rate, I’m always careful about what I say when someone asks me if I enjoyed the play we did. For example, the particular night I’m talking about Master and me had done a lot of stuff. We were having a really great time. My legs were bound together, and at one point, he took out our beloved Wartenburg Wheel. He started rolling it with firm pressure between my toes. Then, he started lightly tapping along my skin with it, up to my breasts and nipples and tummy. It was startling, and sharp, and very difficult to keep still. I told him that yes, I did like it. I did like it. But, I did not like how it was so difficult for me to remain still during it. I didn’t tell him that last bit at the time though, because I was afraid he’d think I was trying to manipulate the situation into being about me. I do want him to play with me the same way again, if it pleases him, so I was afraid to tell him any marginally negative things about the play itself.
In that same night, I also sucked Master’s cock until he came in my mouth. I swallowed, as I always do. I even continued to carefully lick his cock as more cum dribbled out here and there. He walked away after untying my legs, and after I was free, he put me in the bath tub and walked away. Truthfully, when I swallowed his cum, I felt a bit nauseous. I never have that happen ever when I am swallowing cum. My belly just never minds the acidic cum, and my tongue certainly enjoys the flavor of Master’s load. Still, there was that fear again.
If I tell him I feel nauseous, he won’t let me swallow his cum again.
Master would want me to tell him I feel nauseous.
But.. What if he doesn’t let me swallow his cum or lick his cock? I’m pretty sure this is a one time thing. I don’t want him to take away cock sucking privileges.
Eventually, my “good girl” brain won out, and I wound up telling Master, who assured me that he wasn’t going to have me stop sucking his cock, and then he got me some alka seltzer. I did feel better after I drank it.
This isn’t something that happens to me a lot, but when it does, I feel awful whether or not I tell Master exactly how I feel. For one, if I don’t tell him the downsides to a type of play we did for the first time, then he won’t know how I feel, and worse than that, I’m lying, even if I’m not doing so intentionally, or with malice. The same goes for not admitting when I feel ill. I don’t want play to stop or change just because I’m on the fence about whether or not I love something. Even if it is hard for me to do as I’m told (stay still), I do still love the interaction with Master, and sometimes it is even more fun to have to work extra hard to be good as opposed to doing something we’ve practiced a lot and I am good at. But how do I get that across without making it sound like I want to do things my way, and not his?
I suppose, in the end, all you have is complete and total honesty, and it isn’t up to me how Master takes it. This is something I absolutely want to be more conscious of. I love Master, and even if it is not on purpose or pre-meditated, I need to be completely honest with him when he asks me to be.