How to Make Bacon


Everyone raves about my bacon.  Everyone begs me to make them bacon.  I make bacon all the time, and I’m one of those weird people who doesn’t even like it.  Why does my bacon come out so amazing?  Why does everyone want me to make them bacon all the time?


Because I don’t like bacon, I’m really good at waiting for it to cook.  Most people I know cook their bacon in a frying pan over the stove, and they do it on medium to medium high heat.  But, then your bacon comes out crunchy and a little charred.  You could also do your bacon in the oven.  You won’t get splatters, and it’s quicker.  But trust me, if you actually follow my recipe for perfect bacon, you’ll be in bacon heaven.

To forewarn you:  I can only make bacon if I’m planning on being home for quite a while.  You’ll need several hours just to make a few slices.  But it will be worth it.

Step 1: Lay either an ungreased griddle, or an ungreased frying pan out, and layer the bacon in the pan like you see above.  Don’t let the pieces touch each other.

Step 2:  Set your griddle or your burner to the absolute lowest setting that your bacon will still cook on.  We’re talking the L or 1 setting, and in some cases, the one or two (depending on the strength of your burners).

Step 3:  Walk away.  Come back in about one hour, and turn the bacon.  I don’t know why, but cooking bacon this way cooks it from the outside in, which means you have to turn the bacon now and then or it won’t work at all.  The bacon will probably look slightly wet all over at this point, and not at all cooked yet.  Be patient.  Don’t turn the heat up.  Walk away again.

Step 4:  You will continue walking away from your bacon likely for about three to four hours.  This will depend on a lot of things.  Are you cooking thick cut or regular bacon?  Did you leave the grease in the pan, or are you sopping it up with a paper towel as you go (that’s what I do, but I don’t know many who do.  The bacon will cook a bit faster if you leave the grease in the pan)?  Etc.  When the bacon is done, it will have a more meaty texture than your usual bacon, and it’ll be pretty obvious that it’s cooked.  Remove the bacon from the pan, and place it on paper towels to drain.  If you desire, and time allows, you can get another batch ready to go.

Often I will cook bacon like this for Master’s pizza when he’s coming home that night and wants bacon on his pizza.  Sometimes I cook bacon simply because I have time to do so, and then I’ll refridgerate it and Master will use it later.  Many people ask me for my secret, and when I give it to them, no one ever goes through with it because they are too impatient.  Seriously though, try it.  You’ll never go back.

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