Reaching an Understanding

Random stranger, dentist, doctor, grocery bagger, etc:  “Why do you _____________?”

Me:  “Because, my husband likes __________.”

Random stranger, dentist, doctor, grocery bagger, etc:  “You’re an adult.  You have your own say in how you ____________.”

Me:  “Yes I do, and I enjoy doing ___________ the way my husband likes me to do it.”

Random stranger, dentist, doctor, grocery bagger, etc:  “It’s not like he owns you.  Stand up to him and tell him what you want.”

Me:  “This is what I want.”  (And, under my breath)  “Yes, he does own me.”

No matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ll understand how the rest of the world lives.  I’m not judging them, and what they want to do.  No, but I am judging them on how they’re always trying to tell me that I want something different than I actually want.  You’re a stranger.  You don’t even know my name.  Don’t even think for one minute that I’m doing the things I’m doing out of a passive desire to please my Master (though, to you, he’s my husband).  Nothing I do is passive.  It is done from a fiery, fierce desire to please, and I get so very much more out of living my life this way than I ever got before this.  I don’t think the “normies” of the world will ever understand me more than I will ever understand them.  And to me, that is kind of sad.

9 thoughts on “Reaching an Understanding

  1. I wanted to comment on this as a normie, and then thought about it and realized I’m really not. However, I think those sorts of questions have waaayyyy more to do with people being nosy or concerned with your welfare than them not understanding 😛 (of course I can’t be sure, but I would ask similar questions to make sure that someone was ok if I saw something like that) (although I’d probably stop when I saw the collar)

  2. I agree. But right off the bat, if I saw a stranger really obeying their spouse, with no questions asked, I would be worried about domestic abuse and stuff like that (if I knew nothing about BDSM). If I knew that was their relationship dynamic and they both happy with that, presumably I would be close enough to them to know that stuff 😛 Just my point of view though!

  3. I think this can be a variant of ‘concern trolling’. Otherwise unacceptable gets a ‘pass’ from many as long as there’s a thin veil of concern for some aspect of health & welfare involved. Random people who don’t see me regularly probably aren’t invested in me as a person and certianly don’t have enough data tovreally make a valid judgement. Someone like my regular doctor is another story I’ll leave out for now.
    That said with certain people, like my parents especially, I’m very careful not to mention Master in relation to why I want something or when explaining something. I occassionally get away with ‘we’ statements so it appears we make mutual decisions but I have to be careful not to push that.
    My Mom is an odd breed of feminist that abhores passivity in women and immediately sees it as a red flag of abuse. So I’ve learned to phrase things very actively, putting myself first. While it feels wrong it is worth it to Master and to me to be able to navigate the outside world a bit more smoothly.

  4. This post couldn’t be more spot on. The people who don’t live our lifestyle won’t understand how we live and of course, we can’t expect that of them. On the other hand, i’m not sure i could tell you what it might be like to be part of a “normies” relationship either. The gap between the two lifestyles, is bigger than i ever expected. The deeper Master takes me into my slavery the more difficult it is to relate to those who aren’t involved (at least to some degree) in the fetish life.

    Somewhere in time people began to assume a sense of responsibility for each others well being. Yay! Wonderful! i say that is a terrific way to be, truly i do. Unfortunately it’s rarely an honest effort to ascertain a persons health and stability. It’s almost always a way to fulfill a curiosity or disrupt a well oiled machine; ie a Master/slave relationship. As is often said, people fear what they don’t understand and it must be destroyed.

    If they are going to inquire as to your well being, they need to mean it and accept your answers, period. Don’t do it under the guise of concern and then turn the devils’ head when the answers just don’t meet within their cookie-cutter ideas of what is right and wrong.

    You’re right kitty, it is sad that they don’t understand you. The thing is though, you can’t do any more than you’re already doing to try to educate people on how we live and how thing whole thing works. You’re doing your part, i’m doing mine. Keep up the good work! <3


    1. @Master Dream’s precious treasure I think you hit it spot on when you said “..It’s almost always a way to fulfill a curiosity or disrupt a well oiled machine..” This, totally and completely!

      I have to say, I’m not even sure I’m doing anything at all to educate people though. True, I have a blog, but, the people who are going to find my blog aren’t the people who don’t understand, if you catch my meaning. I’m not exactly an activist for kinky lifestyles. In real life, unless someone else brings it up first, I probably wouldn’t say anything about it, really. Still, I hope that my blog doesn’t (for the most part) paint kink in a negative light, thus adding to the anti-kink fodder already out there.

      ::Hugs you:: You always add so much to my thoughts! Luv ya, treasure! <3

  5. @mastersdream and @ladamacmanus I just read your answers! Although they weren’t directed at me, I was really interested in them and you make great points 🙂 I think you have changed my point of view! Thanks 🙂

    1. Elle,

      As i mentioned in my comment, true unabashed concern for someone is what people should be about. That’s what is good in this world and i hope you don’t change who you are in that aspect. It’s when people poke their noses where they don’t belong just because they “think” something “might” be askew. That’s when people are over stepping their bounds just to satisfy a curiosity and in my opinion it puts us in the lifestyle either on the defensive (not me) or always having to watch what we say, where we say it or to whom we say it.

      i look forward to a day when i can walk through the mall in cuffs and a leash and not have people bat an eye because they believe that i’m where i want to be and have faith in their fellow man. At this point people are afraid of their own shadows so they believe that no one could possibly be happy if it doesn’t fit into the picket fence lifestyle.

      Peace to you! =)

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