Being traditionally feminine does not come easy to me, and never has felt natural. For a long time I have identified as genderqueer and while I dress outwardly pretty feminine, that is part of my service to Master Pravus, and not a part of my personal identity. I enjoy Master Pravus making me more and more in the slave he wants me to be, and learning how to dress to his liking (which is not really ultra girly either) is a part of my service to him.
Obviously, we’ve been together for a long while now so I have the hang of it a bit better at this point. Truth be told, if Master Pravus were to release me from his service the chance I would try to dress this way would be pretty slim. I do it, and I enjoy doing it, but I enjoy it as a way to please, honor and serve him, and not because at my very core I am a girly girl. Prior to my collaring, many people commented to me on how androgynous I was. One good thing about androgyny is that it does make me somewhat of a neutral canvas for Master Pravus to paint.
Being Master Pravus’ canvas is something that appeals to me greatly. I remember one time in the beginning of our relationship when I was going to leave the house in what I deemed to be a decent outfit. Master Pravus told me I wasn’t leaving the house that way because when I left the house I reflected upon him and he didn’t like the reflection I was going to show the world. It shocked me, but I changed into an outfit he chose for me and that was the end of it. I have strived to please him in this regard since, and while I do not always know what to wear or do, he’s not shy about correcting me, so that does make it easier for me in the long run.
One thing he does from time to time is to adorn me with random ribbons. We bought a little blanket for the kitty and it came with a powder blue ribbon on it. Seeing the shiny satin ribbon, he told me to come over to him, and he tied it around my pony tail. I felt pretty having been embellished so, but it still does not feel natural to me. I really do enjoy seeing the look on Master Pravus’ face, but that doesn’t mean it is innate. Whenever he does things like this, I can’t help but feel more like an object than a woman, and I am grateful to be under someone who can make me feel this way.