Blasteroids

I’ve finally seen the Urologist.  We’ve talked over all my options for this stone, and she showed me my CT scan pictures.  My obstructed stone isn’t passing probably because it’s so oddly shaped for one, but also because I can barely drink.  My doctor did set me up with Infusions at home, but even still it has been nearly three weeks and “Rocky” (Aren’t I ridiculous, that’s what I named it) isn’t budging.

Now.  I already knew I had a giant weedfucker of a stone in there, 7 mm, (I guess it’s closer to 8 right now?  But then again, the longer those things sit, the bigger they grow..) and it happens to be on the same side as Rocky.  Since I cannot tolerate this bullshit any more and since this has been already nearly three weeks, we’re going to do surgery.  The likelihood of me passing this stone on my own is probably zero, but if I do pass it, we can just call them up and cancel.  Hooray!  (Highly unlikely, though.)

Everyone I talk to thinks I’m getting Lithotripsy.  That’s a cool procedure, but it won’t work for me.  The stone that’s obstructing my kidney is actually pretty far down in the ureter right now, so it’s not in the kidney (fun fact: kidney stones don’t cause pain if they stay in the kidney).  Lithotripsy is better for stones that are still in the kidney.  So, that won’t work.  Bummer.

I have to have a ureteroscopy with laser.  I tried to find a link to it, but it’s really hard to find a link, actually!  They basically are going to take a laser beam, go in through my bladder, go up the ureter and blast out my kidney stone like blasteroids.  Hehe.  They’re going to go all the way up to my kidney and also blast Grond while they’re in there (that’s the giant 7 or 8mm one).

Master Pravus joked that they like to stick weapons of mass destruction near my genitals.  You know, first a microwave, now a laser.  He says I’m “badass.”  Ha ha ha.  No.  >.<  I countered that the most devastating weapon that goes near my genitals is his cock but he thinks a laser is a bit more prickly.  Heh.  😉

We also found out I have either one or two more stones on the other side, but we’re not sure.  It could be two right next to each other, or it could be one giant one.  We’re hoping it’s two smaller ones.  Either way we don’t have to deal with it now.  You can only do one kidney at a time and they are going to (obviously) deal with the one that’s obstructed first.

So, I guess the surgery itself isn’t too bad, but I’ll have to have a stent and I hear that is completely awful.  I was warned it’ll need to stay in anywhere from four days to six weeks but probably closer to two weeks.  So, two weeks is what I’m hoping for (I guess that’s the average).  At least it’s just day surgery.  No overnight in the hospital or anything like that.  Come home, sleep it off, watch Mario Bros. Super Show.

I got a call on Friday letting me know that my surgery will be Monday.  Probably.  I’m an “add on.”  That means that they should have space on the schedule for me, but if for some reason anything goes over and they run out of time the first person not getting done that day is..  Me.  Oh, and I don’t even know what time my surgery is yet.  OH and Master Pravus has to take the day off from work in case I have surgery.  But I’m definitely probably having surgery Monday.  Someone should call me on Sunday night to let me know the time.  Probably.  We think.

I’m soo ready to be done with this bullshit fucking kidney stone crap.  So over it all.  Thanks.  The worst part is that it’s only a couple days before Master Pravus’ birthday, so I won’t be in any shape at all to celebrate with him.  🙁  I feel so bad.  I’ll have to make it up to him majorly when I get better.  <3