A Rare Pacifier Evening

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I’ve dislodged my feeding tube again. ::Shrugs:: I mean. At this point it’s happened a lot. So many times I have lost count and I dread it every single time. I cringe at the thought of going to the doctor because they all say “Can you still feed through it?” And the answer is yes, because I can, but since the balloon isn’t in my intestines I have leaking, intense pain, and I can’t do anything. This ranges from mild to severe the longer they allow it to go on until the balloon migrates all the way out of my abdomen to the surface of my tummy. At that point, it’s an absolute emergency because by then I can’t feed through it. The kicker is that if they just do a tiny test and look, the fix for the feeding tube dislodge would take one single day out of my schedule to fix, only a few minutes out of theirs, and not anywhere from a few days to a week to several weeks of my life out of commission, but try as I might, I have had very little luck with this particular problem in Colorado. It certainly wasn’t the driving force in our move, but it was one thing we were hoping would be better out here.

When I had my first dislodge out here the first doctor I saw told me he didn’t believe I had dislodged it, but he reluctantly agreed to put in a radiology test just to look anyway, “since it wouldn’t hurt just to see.” The jackass didn’t put any orders in, though, and I had to go to someone else. By the time I got to the second guy I developed a serious abscess that was bleeding. Good thing the first guy didn’t think anything was wrong! πŸ˜€

At any rate, I finally got to my GP, but unfortunately, on the date of my appointment for my first ever physical, I had another abscess. :/ He was really concerned because it was pretty big and so he sent me to a very nice surgeon who was in his same group next door. I was super nervous to see another surgeon, and even more nervous because he tried to adjust my tube instead of really just looking at my infection. HAHA. Everyone always wants to fidget the tube but that’s so awful especially if it’s infected. It was super awesome that he managed to see me that same day though. So anyway. The balloon was defective but it took a couple of visits to figure that out. On the third visit, he was unable to move the tube at all, so he sent me down for an emergency CT scan and that’s how we figured out that the tube had migrated not only out of my bowel, but into a muscle in my abdominal wall, which is why it’s stuck. We need to change it urgently. None of the surrounding hospitals have the tube we need, the hospital we’re going to doesn’t have it, and so he had to order it. UGH!

So basically I have been at home, laying fairly flat (it helps curtail the leaking a little bit, but I still leak quite a bit, and it’s very painful and awful. >.<) and basically I’m bed bound. I wear quite a few bandages around my J Tube right now, abdominal pads and gauze, but they just don’t absorb enough fast enough. It’s kind of a nightmare, and my arms are tired just thinking about it. Honestly, it took a lot longer to write this than you can imagine because we keep stopping to change gauze etc.

Master Pravus helps a lot.

Sunday night was actually really peaceful, despite the weird, medical dysfunction. We had a little organic age play energy happen and it was nice. To say, whenever we do age play, Master Pravus is still “Master” and I am always still “Kitty” but he just had such caretaker energy and it made me feel small when he was changing my bandages, and I felt so peaceful and calm and it evolved into something else. He got my bink and put it in my mouth while he was changing me:

Bink

And he had to take the bink out of my mouth for me to get a sip of tea or water. πŸ™‚ But of course that meant I also had to “cry” whenever my bandages were wet which was probably the most “baby” thing I’ve done.

Still, I hear they have a feeding tube for me, and they’re going to put it in on Thursday! I’m so excited! Life: I’m coming back! I mean I’ve literally only been on the couch now for four days so it’s not been that bad, but that’s bad enough. >.<

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