Of Import

I’m having a hard time getting into a forwards direction. It’s like. I know how to get forwards, and these things keep going wrong on my way to forwards. And while my abdomen is kind of a mess, my chest really never is. My port rarely acts up in a significant way. I don’t have port trouble at all. With my last port, I had a tail of scar tissue develop eventually that blocked off the port on the inside making it impossible to use. And that’s (I hear) expected eventually. It didn’t happen for maybe two years after my port got installed though. And they fixed that with a fairly minor cardiac surgery and the port was saved. Huzzah. But the only other issue I had with that same port was about five years later maybe? And that required a port resite.

So here I am getting ready to get my hernia surgery, on my way to fixing some other major health things so I can get back to where things need to be I guess and my port. I mean. It’s been. It’s been bad. It all started off honestly a couple of months ago. I kind of panicked because I saw a small dot of blood in a selfie. My Dragon tried to encourage me to get it looked at, but I was too scared. I am also a complete fool because, honestly. >.>

You shouldn’t mess around with an IV line that connects to your heart. Master Pravus finished work a short while later and he decided we should de-access the port, and re-access the port. Fine, fine. Cool. At that point, that seemed to solve anything. No more bleeding, so we didn’t want to push things too far. A lot of the testing for ports is fairly invasive and requires my being brought alone, into a surgical suite with zero escort while people fiddle-faddle and decide whether or not they’re going to replace the thing then and there. And I really hate going there. I hate how you have zero autonomy and so I drag my heels over these things and I always sort of.. I kind of wait too long. I don’t mean to though. Oof.

But my port. I mean, it’s still taking fluids into it. It still worked for some minor day surgeries, it’s not really causing any problems except that I’m starting to get some pain around it and redness, and. It’s. I mean. It’s starting to weep. >.< The weeping though. That seemed a big problem. And we didn’t feel comfortable with it once it started weeping. In fact. We felt incredibly scared with it once it started weeping and then it looked like this:

When there’s no needle in there it looks like that a lot of the time. Sunken and red with a cherry center. But normally it looks like blank skin. This. This isn’t right. It’s. It’s wrong, in fact. Master Pravus and me thought seriously about going to the hospital emergency room the other night when it first started doing THIS (puffing up red and weeping) but we decided not to. (Honestly, the ER has a terrible track-record with ports and we didn’t think I was going to die that instant so we held off). And we called my doctor instead. We were scared it could be infected maybe. I even tried to make light of it and said to Master Pravus: “Yo, dis look infected to you?” “What the fuck Kitty, YES?” >.> So. Y’know. Uhm. Yeah.

I went to the GP. GP literally goes “Hey. I dunno what’s the matter with that. Doesn’t look right to me though. I’m gonna take a bunch of cultures though in case it is infected. But I dunno.” And we can’t exactly get surgery done with my port acting like this because honestly… I mean. They need my port in order to do surgery. So in the meantime, it’s hard and I’m waiting, and I don’t have a surgery date. And I’m kind of in limbo unsure of how we’re going to resolve the whole “rogue port” thing. >.>

But I’m here. I’m queer. I’m alright. I’m hanging in. Surgery is temporarily postponed and we don’t know for when yet. Gotta fix this before I can fix that.